Forgiveness: simple but not easy.

Jesus talks about forgiveness.  He tells a parable that has commentators tied up in knots.  He challenges believers to do math.  In the end, it was a tough week in the gospel of Matthew (18.21-35)

Forgiveness is a tough topic because forgiveness is tough for humans.  It's tough because forgiveness is only necessary when harm has been done.......nasty words, physical wounds, relationship scars, etc. etc.  If it didn't cause wounds, then it probably doesn't need to be forgiven, you simply need to be polite.

The primary obstacle to forgiveness is pride.  That gives us a second hint as to why this is such a challenging demand of the faith......yet there it is, forgiving others is an expectation of our faith.  Love your enemies; pray for those who persecute you; forgive others.

But the whole process of forgiveness cannot take the first step unless someone is willing to lay down their pride and admit....I might even say 'confess'.....that they have harmed someone else.  No slight of hand statements about good intentions or possible misunderstandings.  It begins with someone naming the hurt and harm that's occurred. ...and taking responsibility for it.  I am fairly certain that people exist who would rather die than truly admit they were wrong, and their actions caused harm.

I know how hard it is.  It's hard for me too.  It means I must adjust my internal picture of who I am and just what I am capable of doing. In the end, I am 'the kind of person who would....'  You fill in the blank.

It requires that I open myself to scrutiny, and the person doing the scrutiny is someone I already know that I have harmed.  I am offering them the opportunity to hurt me back.  Admitting my wrong and seeking the  forgiveness of another does not come with guarantees and therefore it is fraught with danger.

On the other side, accomplishing successful forgiveness requires that the injured party be willing to lay down their pride as well.  You can't forgive while protecting your privilege to complain; you can't continue with character assassination.    It requires one to release all claims to victimhood and listen with an open heart to the other.  The larger the hurt, the harder this is to do.  For many, it can only be accomplished in smaller stages.

There you stand.  One who has to adjust their self-image, admit their flaws aloud, take responsibility for actions, and one who has to release all claim to the very real hurt that has been caused.  No one wants to do either, but without this kind of truth, no real forgiveness is possible.

It is a simple formula.  It is very, very hard to do.

Yet should you take a chance, should you lay down your pride, lower your defenses and speak the truth you have a chance to experience the wonder of new life being created.  For just like the first day of creation when  the spirit moved over the waters and God said, 'Let there be light'....in that space between victim and perpetrator the Spirit of God which is the Spirit of Life can make a new beginning.

Carved out by truth spoken, that space is the point where two individuals agree that the past is the past and it will no longer color or shape the space between us.  It's not about forgetting; it is about not allowing what has happened to distort what will happen in the days ahead.  It is a new beginning.

I have actually seen it happen just like that.  I have received just such a gift of forgiveness, and I am fairly certain I have managed a couple of times to give that gift to another.  But it has never been easy, and most times it is incomplete and imperfect.  Yet this image of an open space where I am  not afraid of my enemies, where I can meet the other one without distraction and begin to build a new tomorrow, where I can accept the truth about who I am.....this is to be in the presence of the Divine. This is heaven.

Pride, bragging and the love of God

We have recently survived (although continue to feel the consequences of) the great self-esteem era when feeling good about yourself was no longer tied to hard work, moral uprightness, courage, even kindness and honor.  It didn't take very long for even our youngest children to figure out that praise given cheaply was worth nothing in the long run.  For the theologians among us, this is exactly what Bonhoeffer was talking about when he spoke of 'cheap grace.'

Perhaps this self-esteem era is the reason we trip over any number of folks who are filled with pride with no real substance.  That kind of pride turns into arrogance fairly quickly.  And I could do with fewer arrogant people in my world.

Jesus says, "Do not think too highly of yourself"   [BTW Your mother had the same advice.]  Don't fill your inner void of unworthiness with false pride, bravado and bragging. Rather, take a lower place and put your energy to honoring others.    Which is exactly what Jesus will do for you....because you are loved by the God who created you and the Savior who came to call you into life.  You are a beloved child of God.

The irony of knowing you are beloved will lift you to heights while at the same time leave you humbled to your very core.  Then you will truly understand the call to 'seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.'  

"Your humble servant....."

Is it possible to trust humility? 

Don't we really think that there is some hidden agenda that we just can't discern yet?

Could it be that we have no idea how to act around true humility?

Can you name someone you know that you'd describe as 'humble'?

Behold! part 2

When we last saw Joseph he was confronted by an angel saying, "Behold."

Behold!  I have good news.  Behold!  Take the pregnant Mary to be your wife.  Behold! Do not be afraid.

Do not be afraid to have your value system turned upside down, to put aside the rules by which you had governed your life, to be told up is down and down is up.

Joseph went along with the request.  Perhaps it was the news that the child of Mary's was conceived by the Holy Spirit and was to have a special name and all that convinced Joseph to go ahead with the wedding.

But I would guess that the decision to act counter to all the societal norms by which he had been formed was the greater challenge for Joseph. In a culture where men prayed prayers of thanksgiving that they were not born a woman, Joseph was being asked to take a back seat, give up his male perogatives and take into his house, include in his lineage, a child who was not his.

I think that Joseph had to overcome a bit of ingrained pride.  He did it; he acted as the angel requested.  There is no indication that the decision haunted him in the night. 

I'm not so sure it would have been the same for me.  We often say 'Pride goes before the fall'.  In Joseph's case, however,  pride must go before the fulfillment.  Would I have been as willing?