Keeping score; making confession

“Grace cannot prevail,” writes Robert Farrar Capon, “until our lifelong certainty that someone is keeping score has run out of steam and collapsed.”*

In spite of the fact that I am a terrible golfer, golf has provided me with a grand metaphor for the concept of original sin:  keeping score. [Just an aside. I don't conceive of an original sin which has infected all human beings always, but rather, an action or attitude that continually breaks our relationships with one another and with God.]

So.....in golf, you are either at par (average), above par (which appears to be a little better, but is, in fact, worse) or below par (which appears to be worse, but is in fact better).  By the end of 18 holes, the winner has the lowest score, but can easily be 'above par' and so not really that good.  Likewise, a loser could end up below par, but not far enough.  It's an Alice in Wonderland sport.

Keeping score is what we do. We claim our  better jobs, better schools, better grades, better sports teams are the easy examples.  Our Instagram pictures prove we take better vacations, go to better concerts, have better friends.  Our family reunions are a cacophony of often not so subtle one upmanship.  Somehow we have convinced ourselves that we are in a lifelong race with every other human being near us, and so we keep score.

Because we are so busy keeping score, watching one another, greedy for advantage, envious of another's good fortune, lusting after power, we can't imagine that God - or however you image the Divine Creator - isn't keeping score as well.  God is just waiting to 'catch' us in some indiscretion or outright nastiness, recording this failure for all eternity, and often planning some kind of punishment for our failure.  No wonder no one wants to talk about God or sin.  The result is that the concept of grace is more dense than nuclear physics.

Grace is both the gift given and the manner in which it is given.  Grace is forgiveness without requiring a pound of flesh or deep groveling.  Grace is making whole what was broken without constant referral to the repaired cracks.  Grace is love.  Love is Grace.  In the end, there is no greater gift. It is a gift we are loathe to accept because first, it speaks the truth and therefore, we want to earn it.  Of course if you have 'earned' it, it isn't grace.

But in our heart of hearts we know that there are a slew of things that someone should be keeping track of - things we have done, or not done, for which we are to blame, which have caused harm to others.  You make up your list; I have my own. So, we are suspicious of such a gift because we know our own flawed history. We also know how hard it would be for us to be truly gracious.

Enter the gift of confession.  Yes, I said 'gift'.  The act of confession allows us to stop running (away from ourselves and away from others) and speak truth - about who we are and what we are capable of doing.  It is a moment when all the posturing comes to an end and we admit - mostly to ourselves since everyone else has known all along - that we were out of bounds, missed the target, broken the rules, hurt someone else.  We say it aloud (even if only in our heads) to make it real. No getting around it.

Then grace happens. Like a warm blanket on those nights when the temperature plummets.  Like a cup of tea with a friend.  Like the gentle touch of a loved one who has been wronged.  Words of forgiveness that allow us to breathe deeply once again.  An outstretched hand that invites us back into relationship.  A voice that calls us 'beloved'.

Certainly consequences will be paid; amends will have to be made.  We will need to do work to strengthen the relationship that somehow we broke.  But we can stop running and begin living. We can be a part of someone else's better tomorrow.

Now that's amazing!  That's grace.

*Robert Farrar Capon, Between Noon and Three: Romance, Law, and the Outrage of Grace (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), 7.

Evans, Rachel Held. Searching for Sunday (p. 265). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Given for you......

If you are paying attention closely, there will be a moment on Good Friday when time stops.

In that moment, you will know the darkness.  Death will be at your fingertips.There will be no more time to heal wounded places or reconcile with estranged friends and family. There will be no more time to do good and mend fences.   No matter how many people surround you when that moment is yours,  you will make this final journey alone....

....just you and whomever it is that created us and who calls us back to our origins.

Wait and watch for the moment ......

                       then know that this Jesus
                                will walk into that darkness with you.

       

Ooops, you missed the grace.......

The day of reckoning had arrived and this servant was in deep.  He owed so much money to the boss man that he could never, ever, ever pay it back.  Maybe if he won the lottery (if they had had a lottery back then) or possibly if a foreign government invaded the country and his boss was killed and so no one ever knew about the debt........but less than those two possibilities, he was in deep.

Yet he bowed low and begged for more time.  He made promises to pay it all back even though everyone in the room knew it wasn't going to ever happen.  He might make a small dent, but when you get in that deep, there is little anyone can do to mitigate the circumstances.

Except, forgive the debt......which his boss did.  Forgave the debt.  All of it.  Completely.

If you ever are in need of a definition of grace, there you have it.  Unexpected, undeserved, unimaginable, unprecedented forgiveness of a debt beyond the beyond.  Grace. No strings attached.  No promises extracted.  100% gift.

And he missed it.  Oh sure, this servant knew he was forgiven.  He knew a thousand pound weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he knew he had a chance to live his life in a completely new way.

Apparently, however, he didn't know that this kind of thing is grace, and deserves a moment of silent awe and a lifetime of thanksgiving. He didn't grasp that this was a golden opportunity to travel a different road as a different person.  Instead he left his boss' house and demanded repayment of a paltry sum from one of his fellow slaves.....tossing him into prison when he couldn't pay.

On any other day of the week we might have called this first servant a nasty SOB (seriously obtuse brother), but today, after the wonderful gift he had received from his boss, well, words completely escape us.  Grace poured out on him that day and he completely missed it....and we are left as confounded as we are sad.

We often miss grace.  We take forgiveness for granted.  We convince ourselves that somehow we deserved this unexpected gift that fell into our lives.  I think this happens because we don't know what to do with it all......we are confounded by the grace itself.

So here's my best advice.  The next time grace drops in, give thanks to the giver, give thanks to the Divine, and then turn and be gracious to someone else.

Grace is a gift that increases in value each time it is given away.

Who is worthy today?

I ask this question because it shapes our lives together.  Who is worthy of God's love and forgiveness today, Monday, June 13th?  Who is worthy to take their place in our society without oppression? without harrassment?  without fear?  Even when we disagree with them, who is worthy to take their place as a brother or sister in our shared humanity?

We need to wrestle with this question.  Do we count some folks as 'less than' us?  Although we might not go out and oppress these individuals, are we silent when others do?  Is there a place in our hearts where we really aren't terribly surprised or upset that these people get the wrong end of the stick?  Do we tsk-tsk over violent acts that rob them of health, peace and sometimes their own lives?

When we look askance on another class of individuals - a group formed by their actions or beliefs or gender or race or religion - we are convincing ourselves that We are right. We are more worthy.

Sometimes we think we are more worthy because we have worked hard for our position and so obviously they have not.

Sometimes we think we are more worthy because they are strange, follow strange rituals, and make us feel uncomfortable.  Our comfort is the norm we follow.

Sometimes we think we are more worthy because 'they' could always act differently and keep themselves out of harm's way.  They need to make a greater effort to keep themselves safe.

Safe from us.  The ones who are more worthy.  We are more worthy because we have more money, the greater power, the right gender, the right skin color, the right Holy Days.

On a day like today, when 50 people were gunned down because they were different......because they were counted as 'not worthy'........because too many 'regular' folk will remain silent at their slaughter........our silence is deafening.

The story of the Pharisee and the woman who anoints Jesus cautions us about determining in our own hearts who is worthy of God's love and grace and life-giving forgiveness.  It embarrasses us with our cultural assumptions.  It cautions us about counting ourselves as more worthy than another. Luke 7.36ff.

And, please note:  it cautions us about holding these thoughts in our hearts even when we never speak them aloud.  Jesus knows.    

Today is a good day to wrestle with our hearts, our neighbors, and Jesus' call to love.  When we treat folks as if they have no value, we give permission for society to oppress them.  Our society.  Us.

Perhaps today is the day for our silence to end.  For who among us is truly worthy?

It's either ALL or its NONE.

You have got to be kidding me!

Let me introduce you to the Elder Son in this famous parable about an Outrageous Father with 2 sons. (Luke 15).

He is hardworking, out in the fields keeping everything running as it should.  He is loyal, living under his father's roof and caring for the family livelihood.  He is obedient (well, we don't have any evidence of that, only his word, but let's believe him.)  He sounds like every one's dream.

Yet he has a dirty secret:  there are calluses on places other than his hands.  It appears that all that diligent, loyal, obedient hard work has developed a callus or two on his heart as well.

When his younger brother decides he needs 'his space' and 'wants to find himself' he diminishes the family's wealth, and disrespects their Father.  Then he runs off to live the wild life, leaving good old Elder Brother to take up the slack.  Somewhere in all of this, he begins to resent his brother, and just possibly, his father as well.

Boy do we understand this Elder Son.  We get why he feels put upon; why he thinks he deserves a break; why he is a little bit annoyed at his father for being such a chump in the first place. We understand his sense of entitlement. So when he hears from a slave that his Father has thrown a huge party just because that ne'er do well son had showed up at his door, well, the Elder Son had reached the end of his patience.  Or perhaps his ability to forgive.  Or perhaps his storehouse of love.

We are outraged right along with the Elder Son.  Truly he deserved better than this, a little reward perhaps.  It truly isn't very fair and that Younger Son is suspiciously close to taking advantage of the Father's mercy.  The Father should understand that the Elder is the good son, just like we are good people, working hard, trying our best, deserving of a party, deserving of your love.

Oh my, oh my.  I have been guilty of this line of thinking more than once in my life.  The Father does all he can to persuade the Elder to join the great celebration of life, but the story closes with an angry man standing in a field feeling entitled.  An angry man who has disrespected his Father, treated him as a stranger, refused to take his position in the family....and who has decided that the love being poured out on the lost one was love stolen from him.

He has decided he knows better than the Father who deserves the Father's love and invitation to the table.  Often we agree with this Angry Son; something is not right with this Father.

So if the Father in the parable is intended to give us a picture of God the father of Jesus, then what are we to do?  As much as we want to rely on God's mercy when we are in need, do we not also want to be entitled to God's mercy the rest of the time?  God's desire that all should come to his table and know him and the life that he offers is somehow perverted in our minds to mean......just us?  Somehow it isn't as open an invitation as we sometime pretend.

We are fairly certain we didn't bargain for a God with a love that is as big as all that.

How much is enough?

My children did not like peas.  At all.  So every meal that included peas also included a conversation about how many peas had to be eaten.  How many were 'enough'? We finally settled on a system where they ate one pea for each year of their age.

We only ask the question How much is enough? when there is some goal we are trying to achieve (like being excused from the dinner table).  How much is enough laundry detergent for this load of laundry?  How much money do I need to spend on my spouse's birthday present?  How many answers do I have to get right in order to pass this test?  How much money do I have to save for retirement?

People of faith often ask this same question.  How much must I do?  Am I doing enough?  Am I giving enough? (OK, this question isn't asked as often as the others)  Am I compassionate enough?  Am I faithful enough?  How much is enough?

I can only ask "Enough for what?"  Enough for God to love you?  Enough for Jesus to forgive you?  Enough for you to experience the fullness of life that God in Jesus promises us?  Enough to "win the prize?"

Sometimes the question arises out of a searching for a deeper relationship with God, a richer spiritual life, and a sincere effort to be faithful, We look around us and there are too many who are hungry, too many who are oppressed, too many who need healing and comfort.  We look at our own lives and see too many places where we have cut corners, we have been less than compassionate, turned a blind eye and a deaf ear.  We look at ourselves and know that when we stand before God, we have a lot that isn't in right order.

That is how it should be.  When we stand before God we should be aware that all is not well, not in our lives and certainly not in the world around us.  This is not accusation, this is fact.  In religious talk, we are truly broken people, sinners before the Creator God.  This is confession, and it can often lead us to the deeper connection with God that we desire.

However, it is good to remember this: we cannot do enough ever to make it all right.  We cannot fix ourselves nor can we fix the world.  The problem is bigger than we are.

No matter how much we do, we will never prove to God that we are worthy of God's mercy and love. We will not prove our 'goodness' by doing 'enough' ....no matter how much we run and run and run and work and work and work.  Our work does not obtain God's love.  God gives it freely because that is who God is.

The love of God is broader and deeper than we can ever imagine.  We receive God's mercy because that is who God is.  We receive God's mercy because we need God's mercy.  We are always beggars in this equation.  Always.  Always.

So the answer to the question:  How much is enough? is this:  all and none.  Jesus calls us to give all of us......because there is nothing else we have to offer to a God who loved us before time.

All and none:  the challenge of living a life of faith.

40 years or 40 days, same old battle

"Trusting in God is hard work.  It requires that you lay down your point of view which is grounded in the past and assume God's point of view which is grounded in the future.  An unknown future.  No matter what is promised, there is no certainty about how the whole thing is going to play out.  So the only thing left is to trust in this God, God's love for you, God's good intentions, and God's ability to give what God has promised.  It's either that or whining.  Stuck in the wilderness, Israel whined their way to the promised land for all 40 of the years."

That was yesterday's meandering thoughts around the 40 years that Israel spent in the wilderness trying to find their way to the promised land.  Well, actually, they were trying to find their way to the place where they could trust God.  That place is the promised land for all of us.

But today we consider Jesus' 40 days in  the wilderness, sandwiched between his baptism and the temptations of the devil.  What kind of transition is at play here?  Are 'the temptations' not so much a destination but a playing out of the challenge of wilderness survival and trusting in God?

When you look at the whole scope of the story of Jesus, you can see that the baptism is the signal that Jesus is moving from whatever he was doing before (in Luke this includes the infancy narratives) and what he is being called to do as the Son of God.  He is anointed by the Holy Spirit - an ancient indicator of God's pleasure and calling, and simultaneously, an empowerment for the tasks ahead.  That same Spirit drives Jesus into the wilderness; apparently it is time for Jesus to prepare for what lies ahead.

What lies ahead is temptation by the devil.  Now the devil generally represents that which challenges our devotion to God.  Certainly this is often 'evil' but it often simply starts out as just a convenient choice or a self-serving decision not some gigantic evil done to another.  That is exactly  how it starts out in the Lucan account of this encounter.  'Heh, Jesus, you're hungry.  No one is going to fault you for turning these stones into bread.  Really, it's no big deal.'  That was the devil's first ploy.

It is often said that the devil is in the details and so it is here.  For Jesus there is no such thing as 'no big deal' when it comes to choosing satisfying his comfort versus listening/following God's call.  Everything is important because God is all in all.  There stands Jesus with one foot in the local Subway shop and the other in the temple.  So the first temptation is to count some things 'no big deal.'

The devil ups the ante.  Now the temptation is about showing off how smart/ powerful/ beautiful/ blessed you are.  Just a little demonstration for the folks.  It will make it so much easier for the masses to believe you are the Son of God, Jesus, if you give them a little show.  So possibly the second temptation is to prove to others just how 'good' you are, how faithful you are, how compassionate you are.  It will make it so much easier for them to see you as the good Christian you are (or at least call you a good person at your funeral).

So the devil lays it out before Jesus.  You don't know what God has in store for you; grab the power now and enjoy yourself while you can.  We know what God has in store for Jesus and grabbing power while it is offered certainly looks like a good idea.  Except it is not God's idea; it is not God's plan; it is not the way to which Jesus is called.

The temptation for Jesus is the same as the temptation for us: to choose our wisdom over God's which is, in the end, to turn away from God.  Jesus pulled an A on this exam.  We never will.  Perfection will never be ours.

Except through Jesus....which is why we are eternally grateful for God's mercy and Jesus' faithfulness.

Mercy and grace.....grace and mercy

Jesus announces the inauguration of the Kingdom of God, a Kingdom of Mercy and Grace.  

What does this means?  Let me get you started:

Mercy:  you do not get what you rightly deserve

Grace:  you get what you would never in your wildest dreams deserve

Certainly there are justice and judgment as well.  Without justice there could be no mercy.  With justice there would be less need for mercy.

Likewise judgment.  Judgment is the mirror into which Grace looks.  Without judgment, who would ever figure out that what they were receiving was grace?

Mercy and Grace are just two words to help define Jesus who was Love Poured Out for the sake of the world.  That's the Kingdom of God at its core.  Still interested?

....when I am good enough

Oh wow!  That's too true for words.  The kingdom of God will be ours when we are good enough.  How we hold onto this.....as if our lives depended on it.

Now, I'm a Lutheran and we pride ourselves (which might be a problem in itself) on preaching grace.  It is by grace you have been saved, not by your own works.  Jesus as the Son of God is God's gift to all of creation for the sake of creation.  Jesus' death points to the death dealing commitments of the current creation and his resurrection is the last word on who is in charge.  Life will be the last word, not because any of us deserve this wondrous gift of life with God but because God wants it to be that way for us.

See, I get it.

Until I don't.  Until the average attendance at church declines and I think I must solve this problem.  Until I avoid speaking with someone because I behaved badly the last time and I am embarrassed to face up to that truth.  Until I look in a mirror and rain down criticism on myself for not being perfect.  Until....I breathe my next breath.

We are strivers for sure....and that's not a criticism.  It is what works in this world most of the time.  It keeps us moving forward and working at improving ourselves and things around us.  Until...it becomes the source of our pride and our energy is expended in self-congratulations instead of building community.  Until we turn towards God and say, "Don't worry.  I've got this.  I can do this.  I'm good."  Then down the rabbit hole we slide again.

God created this world out of God's desire for this world.  It was God's gift to humankind.
God sent Jesus into this world out of God's desire for this world.  He was God's gift to humankind.
God is present among us as the Spirit because of God's desire for this world.  The Spirit is God's gift to humankind.

God invites us to live in the light and life of divine glory because that is God's desire for this world.  It is God's gift to humankind.  Gift.  Absolute gift.  To everyone.  You.  Me.

It is a radical gift that will bring about radical change.  You are already good enough.  God says so in Jesus Christ.  Some days that alone is too much for us to bear.

Making room for a Savior

I suspect for many who make their way into a sanctuary, Christmas Eve will be celebrated as a family tradition, an occasion to sing some old favorites, and at least a story that everyone can understand: a woman, a man, a baby.

Understanding this baby story as one of a million stories of like kind is not wrong; but it begs the question of whether God is at work in our world; if God is at work in this child; if God even is.  Churches decorated to the nines and renaissance inspired Christmas cards can lead us down a sentimental lane, confusing this story with another Christmas movie on the Hallmark channel.....which risks us rejecting it all because it is unrealistic (and annoying).  Services which look and sound like every other Christmas Eve service risk complacency and a false belief that Christ is old news and completely disconnected from the 21st century.

Has the familiarity of the nativity scene led to our deafness to the angels' message, "For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior who is Christ, the Lord."?  Have we forgotten that this story and this baby have cosmic significance?

There are years when I wish we would simply turn down the lights, play the music softly, listen to the story and in quiet awe consider the gift God has given. (with lots of candles....because a good friend insists that women are crazy about candles).  Sometimes there is just too much noise for me to embrace the enormity of grace in our midst and God's call through Jesus to live my life filled with the wholeness that God brings forth in me.

Every year the celebration of Christmas (in the traditional American way) in my home gets pared down.  My adult children believe that this is because I am getting older and can't be bothered with all that fuss, but I know that I want to eliminate the foo-foo and concentrate on the essential.  I want to be sure that there is room for this Savior in my house, in my life, in my family.  I pray you find room as well.