Am I worthy?

It is the question that nags at the deepest corner of our heart "Am I worthy?"  It is rare that you will catch an American phrasing it quite that way (it goes against our cultural grain) but when you approach someone certain that they will turn away from you, that is what you are thinking: Am I worthy?  To get an autograph?  To be chosen for the team?  To be asked to the prom?  To get the promotion?

When Jesus begins healing folks in the 8th chapter of Matthew, he encounters three people who, for one reason or another, are not considered worthy.  They are outsiders: a leper who is a Son of Abraham, a centurion soldier, and Peter's mother-in-law, in bed with a fever.  The leper has been set outside his own community because of his disease.  He is an outcast among outcasts.  The centurion is a Roman, a soldier in an occupying force, and he wants healing for a sick servant!  Then there's Peter's mother-in-law (notice we never learn her name) who was born on the wrong side of the gender divide.  These three have been found 'unworthy' by their own communities for one reason or another.

They came to Jesus because there was no where else to go.  Lepers were rarely healed; I expect the centurion would have been loathe to ask favor from a Jewish rabbi.  Every Jewish woman had heard the prayer uttered by the men, "Thank you God that I was not born a woman" (this is, in fact, an actual Jewish prayer).

It is not hard to hear these folks saying to themselves, "I am not worthy"  In fact, the centurion utters these words aloud, "I am not worthy for you to enter my house, only say the word and [the servant] shall be healed."  These are the folks that Jesus heals.  These are the ones Jesus finds worthy.

The leper, who has been separated from his family and community, can now show himself to the priest - see?  I am healed.  I am OK.  Now, I can be included once again.

The centurion has nothing to lose, it would seem.  He is asking for a servant to be healed, but I would have to imagine that this is a beloved individual for him to do this kind of leg work, humbling himself before Jesus, to receive a healing.  There may be more reasons than first imagined for him to demur from Jesus entering his house to heal the servant, but none the less, Jesus heals from a far.  Clearly this Jesus has power over powers rather than just power over people (like an officer commanding other soldiers).

Then of course there is Peter's mother-in law.  It may have been a nothing fever, and she is healed only to set up and serve the men lunch, but on this day the rabbi Jesus made her whole again.

Am I worthy?  This question echoes in the depths of our souls, for in some way, each of us is an outsider.  But not to Jesus......to Jesus we are beloved children in need of new healing.  That is the definition of grace.......and Jesus pours it out on each of us.

Only say the word and I shall be healed...........

Welcome back to the Roman soldier who can't make up his mind.  First he is worthy of Jesus' attention, then he balks at Jesus even entering his house to do the very thing he wanted at the beginning of the story. (Luke 7)

Luke's version of the Roman centurion seeking a healing for a 'valuable slave' has embedded meaning that differs from Matthew's version of the same story.  It begins with a 'valuable slave' whom the Roman wishes healed.  Then moves to the Jewish leaders trying to persuade Jesus to fulfill the Roman's request because the Roman is worthy of Jesus' attention.  When Jesus moves to enter the soldier's house, suddenly he cries out  "I am not worthy for you to come under my roof....only speak the word and my servant will be healed."  Worthy...unworthy....make up your mind!

I wonder what happened that the soldier suddenly doesn't want Jesus in the house.  I doubt that it had anything to do with his housekeeping skills.  Further, if he had the chutzpah to ask Jesus for a healing.....for a slave.....I doubt that he suddenly lost his nerve.  Roman soldiers were hard and showed great courage in battle.  So, why the sudden "I am not worthy...?"

Could it be that this soldier began to realize that anyone who could accomplish the kind of healing that rumor had it Jesus could was to be respected?  Could it be that by agreeing to come (in response to the soldier's request) that Jesus called his bluff - confident that he could, in fact, heal the slave and so perhaps he was more powerful than a lot of people gave him credit? Could it be that the Roman soldier suddenly realized that he would be face to face with a powerful member of a race he ruled over, and not ever kindly?  Could he be ashamed of his own life story?

Could it be that the closer Jesus came to him, the greater he became aware of the presence of God in this itinerant preacher?  Was it possible that what was originally a wild request of uncertain results had morphed into a moment of divine intervention in his world?

Because, if that is what was going on in the soldier's head, no wonder he cried out, "I am not worthy..." for none of us is worthy.  The chasm between the God who creates and the ones who are created is beyond us.  The chasm between what we ought to do and what we actually do is bottomless.  The chasm between God's great desire for all creation and the mess we live in and help sustain daily is embarrassing. We are not worthy for Jesus to enter our house.  Worthy/ not worthy: this Jesus breaks down all that we think we know and understand.

The Roman Catholic liturgy of the mass, in its older version, included the believers' response to the lifting up of the Eucharist.  "I am not worthy to receive you, only say the word and I shall be healed." a paraphrase of this very story from Luke.  It captures this moment of  realization that the Divine One, the source of life and life again, is about to enter into our space and make contact with us, and unworthy is the least of our responses to that possibility.

For we are not worthy, but then it has never been about worth.
It has always been about love.

 It is love that can heal us for eternity, the love that has already stepped into our space in this creation and now lifts us up to healing in the Divine Wholeness of God.  It was about this divine love now made human flesh and dwelling among us....to heal us; to make us whole.

About to receive the body and blood of our Lord Jesus poured out for each of us, we cry out "I am not worthy to receive......"  and we give thanks that God came to us and loved us anyhow.

Friends in high places

This man didn't get to be a centurion in the Roman army by being dumb.  He wants a healing for someone who is important to him and so he uses the tried and true method of making use of his friends in high places.  I won't disparage his intentions; I won't suggest that he made friends with the local Jewish leaders in order to have this ace in his pocket when he needed it.  This isn't an episode of House of Cards.  None the less, this centurion doesn't hesitate to make use of the friends he has cultivated in those high places...or at least the friends he suspects will have influence over a Jewish rabbi with an extraordinary reputation.

These Jewish leaders want Jesus to understand just how worthy this Roman soldier - the enemy of the Jewish people, the occupiers of promised Jewish land, the oppressors of the Jewish race - is to receive whatever healing Jesus might be able to bring.  They list his gifts, his friendship, his generosity to their people.  He is worthy of your attention.

Furthermore, notice that the soldier asks nothing for himself.  He asks for a slave.  I will not call into question the Roman's intentions here either, even knowing that young male slaves were not acquired to wash dishes way too often in Roman society.  If this point is of no importance to Jesus, it will be of no importance to me. Just as Jesus is not distracted by this possibility, neither will I be.

But knowing what we do about Jesus' message to the people of Israel, to the people of Rome, to the whole of creation; knowing what we do about Jesus' ability to forgive even the ones who executed him; knowing what we do about Jesus' command to love..........well, I have to wonder what Jesus was thinking about this claim that the soldier was 'worthy.'

Of course he was worthy.  He was a child of God, created by the Divine Creator out of love and now called into a new and authentic life by the Son of Love named Jesus.  Of course he was worthy, but not because of what he had done........for better or worse......but because God made him and therefore Jesus loved him.  I wonder if Jesus was chuckling inside as he began the journey to the soldier's house.

Even more, I wonder if Jesus can still chuckle at our insistence on making ourselves worthy: running around, doing good deeds, correcting the behavior of others and working, working, working at keeping the rules.  Or, has Jesus' love gained a tinge of frustration at our dense, recalcitrant need to do the work that we are incapable of doing and which is not necessary from the very beginning.

When Jesus says we are loved, we are loved.  End of story.  When we live as if we truly believe, trust and desire that love, our lives are transformed.  That is the story that Jesus is telling regardless of what story we manage to hear.

It is so difficult to leave behind all that we have been taught at the knee of wisdom in this competitive, death dealing world.  It is difficult to trust that this Jesus can, does, will, and will always love us.  Daily we need to return to that passage from John, 'for God so loved the world that God sent Jesus..not to condemn the world but so that the world might be saved through him' (John 3.16-17 paraphrase).

He had always had friends in high places - very high places.

It has never been about being worthy.

It has always been about being loved.

Amen.  Thank you Lord Jesus.