I can name a few of mine but of course this is only helpful if you are naming a few of yours on your end of the computer. When my children were small I had an irrational fear that my husband would die and leave me to raise the children all alone. That fear had a lot to do with my own estimation of my incompetence and who wants to admit to their middle class neighbors that they are fairly sure they are incompetent as a parent.
Abandonment is also tied into that pretty little package. I expect it has a lot to do with the early death of both my sister and father. But there it was. I was going to be Left Alone. The irony, of course, is that, having been widowed now for 17 years, that is exactly what has happened, and it isn't nearly as fearful as I imagined, even though it was fear filled in different ways.
We are afraid that we will die a bad death....or have to watch as someone we love dies in pain. Is that one of yours?
We press these fears back into the corner of our secret heart, guarding them, nursing them, watching to see if our worst fears will come true.
What is God's wisdom for us? "I know." I know about your fears, even that silly one about going down into the basement at night. I know. I want to cast out all fear and I can do that when you trust in the perfect love I have for you. But until then, I will stand right here beside you. I will walk with you through the valley of the shadow of death. I will hold your hand if it helps.
There is no place you will have to go that I am unwilling to travel with you. I have already reached down to the lost ones and called them back into relationship again. You are mine and you are beloved.
Ahhhhh, if we could only believe with as much energy as we fear.
"teach me wisdom in my secret heart."
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