What is prayer?

It is often silent.  It is a conversation often held completely inside your head.  It is chewing on preferred outcomes, wants and desires, hope and dreams, fears and expectations, disappointments and sorrows.

Sometimes, when you are able to tamp down the ego, it is an honest discussion about yourself and it isn't particularly pretty but it is totally truth filled.  Messy,  embarrassing .painful truth. Beautiful truth.

It has a direction although not necessarily a resolution. It is unlike ear worms, those repeating loops that tell you over and over again about your failures, shortcomings and missed opportunities.  It is not one of those mental loops that exhaust you and beat you up and beat you down and wear you out.  They do not enlighten the mind, enrich the soul or lift the burden.  They bring no relief; they are not prayers.  They are demons, for they never bring life to anyone.

Prayer is a conversation which brings you somewhere; not necessarily where you wanted to go, but no longer where you were. Deep within these (largely unspoken) words are truths. Some are buried deep and require a daily scraping away of layers of protective covering. Some lay right near the surface, waiting for you to stumble over them.  Whichever they are, they are precious because they are the pearls of your true self.

Notice I didn't say your perfect self, because your true self is not perfect; at least no in the eyes of this world. But it is you.  When you get there, you unearth the hidden gem that is you and you experience peace. Notice I didn't say joy (although sometimes there is that too) I said peace.  Because, having dug this far and this persistently, having approached from all angles and laid out all the arguments, because having piled all the lies and falsehoods on the rubbish heap, you arrive at the reality of what it means to be you, a singular human being. Even if it isn't what you imagined or wanted or coveted in your imagination, it is truly you and at last you can stop chasing after that which is not real and has no value.

What makes this any different from the incoherent musings of a mad woman? Or the ramblings poured out to the soft spoken, non-directive therapist?? What makes this different from the tear soaked or sigh driven wondering offered up over a cup of tea or a cold beer?  Often, nothing.  They are much the same; a cry for help; a confession of weakness; a striving after wisdom; a search for truth; a hunger for authentic connection.

No matter to whom it is spoken, it is all a search for love and a longing for peace.

Then whispers the Divine Creator "You are beloved. You are not perfect, but you are mine and I will not let you go."

Then you know: this is the answer you've been longing to hear; it is the only answer that gives life and it can only come from God.

Forgiveness

"When somebody you've wronged forgives you you're spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.

When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you're spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.

For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."

This entry in Frederick Buechner's volume, Wishful Thinking, is at the same time succinct and powerful (as, by the way, are most of Buechner's reflections.)

Forgiveness will trip up even the most faithful of Jesus' servants.  As much as we rely on God's forgiveness through our Lord Jesus, we are challenged to turn around and offer the same sweet gift to those who have wronged us.  Just so you know, this is no different for me than it is for you.

I've given this some thought.  I think there is a secret chamber in my heart that depends on God to forgive me........because that is who God is.  I stand before the Divine Creator and reiterate my frail humanity, mentioning the forces that led to my wrongheadedness.  My prayerful confession can include everything from 'I didn't get enough sleep' to 'he's such a demanding person' to 'Did you see what she did to me first?'

Of course, even I have to admit times when there is no excuse unless one includes laziness, or crankiness, or just plain meanness.  When I take the time to truly consider the broken places in my relationship with other humans and with God, I am full of excuses and explanations.  At some level I want to be left off the hook.  In some secret chamber of my heart, I expect that God will in fact forgive and I can move forward in wholeness.

I feel much less obligation towards my fellow frail human beings.  I am hurt by their actions or words or neglect and until those hurt feelings disappear, I find it difficult to truly forgive.  At best I can slowly wipe the slate clean, a little at a time, until the sin disappears.  The larger the hurt, the longer and more difficult is this process.  I've been at this a long time and I am not sure that I am getting any better at it.

But this I can say.  With each passing year, my grief has grown.  I am grieved when I stand before God seeking forgiveness - not because God loves me less but because I am more acutely aware of the fractures I have caused.  Furthermore, I am grieved when I must confess that I have withheld forgiveness from another.  My inability to forgive becomes a much greater offense than that done to me in the beginning.


Now my conversation with God is more about my blindness to the humanity of others and the hardness of my heart.  My confessions are no shorter, just a bit more focused as I struggle to live out the forgiveness that nourishes my life.

All of this sends me back to Buechner's original quote.  He reminds me how life-giving forgiveness is: not just for the one who has erred, but for the one who forgives as well.  Forgiveness is a font of never ending blessing.  It surprises me that I need to be reminded so often to stop and drink deeply.

so, to re-cap: love one another

The love that called Jesus out of the grip of death and into life, out of the back of the tomb, out of the darkness into eternal light.......

that is the same love that God expressed when God created all that exists.  It is a love so powerful that its expression is life, its goal is life, its being is life.  The same love that broke the bonds of this earth will break those bonds again when it calls each and everyone one created by God out of the tomb of fear and into the new life which is life in God.

 Jesus was certain God's love was sufficient to call him out of the tomb and into resurrection.  Jesus was certain it could and it would.  Jesus' presence among us is to remind us and to make us certain it can and it will.  This is resurrection love: it is powerful and it is life giving.

That isn't to say that it is easy.  Loving another into resurrection is demanding work.

It's not just that the tomb is dark and deep, but we cling to its walls, refusing to let go of the very things that hold us captive.  We see the light and dismiss it as a figment of someone's imagination, a false hope, a dead end.....without ever seeing the irony of our own image of 'dead end.'

We wrestle with the gift of life.  In order to pick up the life offered by God we must put down the weight of all that burdens us, wounds us, wounds others, drains the goodness out of us and leaves us without the energy to claim the life that is offered.

We argue with the gift of life.  When we look around us we can see no sensible order; seems some folks are way ahead on the 'light of life' game.  We get angry when the wounds of others crash into us and we are wounded as well.  We get so angry we pickup our weapon of choice: jealousy or revenge or even building higher walls so we can 'protect' ourselves....when in fact we are locking ourselves away.We reject the gift of life because it is offered to folks we think are unworthy with words like immoral.  We slap at the hands of those who offer to lead us into the light.

Jesus is God's concrete call to all of creation to come out of the tomb and live in the light.  "Follow me," Jesus said as he offers to lead us to a better place, an eternal place.

Oh yes, and bring your friends.  Tell them the story.  Tell them your story.  Invite them to walk with you on this journey called faith - not a journey into darkness but a journey into revealing light.  Work with them, walk with them, hold fast to them, cajole them when necessary.  Bring food for the journey and good hiking shoes because this is a stoney path.

Along the way you will begin to experience the very resurrection you seek.  You will slough off that which kills and strive towards the love that Jesus incarnated.  You will become love yourself and be the guide for others to Jesus' side.

That's what we're talking about.  Resurrection love.  Manifest in Jesus.  Given to you.  For you to share with others.  It's so powerful that death will flee and only God will remain.

Like I said at the beginning, we're not talking about fairy dust and unicorns here.  We're talking resurrection.

"Love one another.  As I have loved you, love one another."

What kind of love is this?

Having washed the feet of his betrayer, Jesus plunges into the depths of love.

What kind of love?

Creating love: the kind that was present when this creation was called into being by the Divine Power.  The kind of love that is manifest when life is called into being, when light enters the void.  It is the foundation of this world and the foundation of the eternal Divine Kingdom.  It is love that works from the bottom up.

It is hard work.

This love is such a powerful force that it can enter the darkness of the tomb, surrounded by the odor of death, and step out risen and alive.  Yes, we think of the tomb that held Jesus but there are thousands of other tombs: tombs of the living who die a little each and every day because they stand in the presence of death and cannot recognize the life giving power of love that beckons to them.


The back of the tomb is God territory: where the most deadly things happen and yet, in God, are never the last word on anything.  There in the back of tomb where humans are convinced that the power of evil has prevailed is the power of God's love - bringing life - bringing light - making a new day.

So we cannot fool ourselves:  loving another into resurrection is backbreaking work.  But it is not our backs that it breaks, but rather, it breaks the back of racial prejudice and superiority.  It breaks the back of poverty and oppression.  It breaks the back of all the categories we use to separate and (de)value one another: categories like sexuality, age, gender, nationality, religion, criminal record.

This powerful resurrection love breaks our fear, which is the tomb that holds us all.  We fear being found out to be frauds, to be unholy, unworthy.  We fear that the ugliness of jealousy and lust and greed will become visible to everyone and in the end no one loves us and there is no way out of this tomb of fear.

Yet Jesus stepped willingly into the tomb.....in absolute certainty that God is God, and God could and would continue to love him....right back into life again.

Loving another into resurrection is back breaking work.  It will kill you.  It will bring you into life again - a life that cannot be taken away.

That's the love that Jesus is talking about.  Love one another.  Just as I have loved you, love one another.

A lifetime of work to bring about a time of life.

from Alleluia to fear in an Upper Room....

It happens every year (or at least every year that follows the Revised Common Lectionary) - we leap from Alleluia to fear and hiding.  In one week.  In truth, the events happened much more quickly but we only gather for regular worship once a week so we need to wait 7 days to discover the disciples hiding out in the Upper Room.  With. The. Door. Locked.

One week.  But then we are much more skilled at fear than at Alleluia, and besides, we have had 2000 years to digest this outrageous news about a risen Jesus and we don't quite understand what it all means so I can give those disciples a break.  Fear is a more familiar companion to this lifetime than resurrection will ever be.

Fear is learned at our mother's knee; it is a critical lesson we must all master or be crushed by the powers that prowl the night.  Most days it wears the masks of respect or caution or good sense, but the ultimate message is this: great harm can come to us.  Physical harm. Emotional harm.  Spiritual harm.  We better beware.  In the end, it is all fear.

Fear that the fragile light of life that is us will be snuffed by other forces is the foundation for so many of our actions.  Exercise, diet, work habits, diligence at school, wearing our seat belt, smoke detectors, background checks, sunscreen, savings accounts.  On our very best days, we take all these threats to our continued life as necessary nuisances and we light birthday candles and build sand castles and play soccer and do crossword puzzles and simply get on with living.  On our worst days, our fear drives our interactions with friend and foe alike so we end up contributing to the deadly atmosphere around us.

So let us not look sideways at those disciples huddled in that upper room With.The.Door.Locked.  The door won't keep the fear at bay, but it gave them all a sense of false hope.  No one was going to sneak up on them; they would decide who got into that tiny hidey hole.

Yet, they couldn't and didn't and thanks be to God.  Jesus just simply appeared in their midst ignoring the locked door, ignoring their embarrassing silence just a few days ago.  There he was, standing in the midst of them, alive, forgiving, handing out gifts of peace to all.

It was the disciples, and not Jesus who carried a lingering odor of death, drenched in the sweat of fear.  Their racing hearts  warned them that death was at the door, seeking out an opportunity to crush the life right out of them.  In the middle of that scenario (our scenarios would feature courtrooms and ERs and dark alleys and sleepless nights) Jesus stands - life in the midst of death....inviting all who were present, and all who are reading their story....to leave death behind and embrace the life that is life, the life that comes through Jesus.

With the story of Thomas, we learn that Easter isn't just about Jesus.  Jesus was the first; now he invites everyone else to follow.  Sure the Romans were still at the door and they were pretty scary fellows.  But then, look at that empty tomb.  Look at my hands and touch my side.  The Romans aren't in charge.

Welcome to the resurrection.

Life or death, blessings or curses

Wow!  How hard a choice can that be?  Of course we would choose life and blessings rather than death and curses.  You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

So, if it was so easy, obvious, straightforward.....how come lots of folk often seem to be on the wrong side of that equation?  How come we think we are choosing 'life' and end up with 'death' instead?  It could have something to do with our short term thinking and definitions of life.

We are a people of the cross, and any reasonable person would look on a cross of crucifixion and tell you that death was staring you right back in the face.  Except they would be wrong.  The cross of Jesus Christ turned this world upside down and inside out, and the cross became God's instrument for revealing God's power and intent for creation: life after life, life upon life.  Death was defeated (not eliminated, defeated).  Ultimate power goes not to the executioner but to the God of all creation. Point, set, match.

Well, with that kind of turnaround, it is easy to understand how we could look at a high paying job with lots of perks as life but discover that the unquestioning loyalty it demands, along with long hours, middle of the night phone calls and no time for family sure feels like death each Monday morning.  A new industry in town providing hundreds of jobs and sparking the economy looks like a blessing until we realize that we have permanently poisoned the local lake.  We have such a small view of life (not our fault by any means) that we are often fooled into thinking that bad is good and horrible is better still.  We'll chase anything that is shiny and bright.

The writer of Deuteronomy, speaking as Moses, calls to the people of Israel to choose life.  Choose God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God who brought you out of slavery, the God who will lead you to a land of fertility and plenty.  Choose God - for in the end, no matter how good or bad today might look, God is in it for the long term.  Choose God and you will have chosen life.  Deu 30.15-20

God loves you and will lead you home.  Choose that which is eternal.  God has already chosen you.

Objection or Avoidance?

Not on the Sabbath!  That was the objection they raised.  Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath!  I have no trouble imagining these folks huddled in the parking lot saying to one another, "There is no healing on the Sabbath!"  (Can you hear the echoes from A League of Their Own  There is no crying in baseball"?)

 

The Law supported their position.  Tradition supported their tradition.  The solid, observant, faithful members of the congregation supported their position.

God didn't.  God's desire is for wholeness and each and every agent of God is called to bring forth healing and wholeness and life whenever possible.  That means Jesus, God in the flesh, and that means you and me and everyone else touched by the resurrection power of Jesus.  Bring life, wherever and whenever we can.

It was a HUGE leap of faith to trust that Jesus was acting in accordance with God's desires - even when the old rules and the old ways of doing things were turned upside down.  It required first, that believers focused on God's central activity of giving life and second, that they join an unfolding, unclear and scary future.

Having God's power on the loose through Jesus.....and through you and me....is a whole lot harder to 'nail down' than a Jesus we keep confined by rules and traditions.  So, was it an objection....or simply avoidance of a reality they could not handle?






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Add or subtract

“In every encounter we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange.”
                                              -- Brennan Manning

You and I and everyone around us are stewards of life.

 

Life flows, either in or out. Life is never stagnant.

  

 

You and I are either making things better or we are making things worse. 

 

We are either giving grace or causing shame.   We are stewards of life.

"By this they will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another."   - - Jesus

A cosmic do - over

Parents look at their newborn child and see a lawyer, a ballerina, a rocket scientist, a major league baseball player.  Even as they are changing the diapers, parents see the potential and possibilities just waiting to emerge.

Baptism is our second 'coming out' experience.  We go into the water broken and out of sync with ourselves and our neighbors.  We come out of the water knowing that we are beloved of God.  God looks at us and sees all that we can be, and then 'spirits' us into that future.

It is a cosmic do-over that we spend our lifetime living into.  And thanking God in Jesus for this opportunity to be 'all that we can be.'

Who is this Father?

A love like this breeds resentment.  It is a love that is simply not interested in human definitions of 'worthy.'   This love loves; take it or leave it.  Turn around and come to the Father's house and live in this love or stand out in the field with your arms crossed and your nose out of joint and refuse to participate in the party.
   
Whatever you choose, this Father's love will not fail or falter....not because of what you have or haven't done, but because that is who this Father is.      Thanks be to God.

What keeps you up at night?

What worms its way into your head and steals sleep?  Where does fear enter your life?

We all have a list, and probably the same items are on everyone's list, just in a different order: finances, health, relationships, violence, personal well-being.   To sum them all up: we are afraid that this whole world - our whole world - is going to fall apart right before our eyes. 

Jesus tells us we can count on it.  That is one of primary assumptions of the cross: the powers that rule this world are going to lead us only to death.   True, the dramas of our lives are often small compared to the wars and violence in the world, yet as my Grandma would have said, "Your troubles are bad, but my troubles are my troubles."  Our dramas are big to us.

So on some scale we fear that the world is falling apart and it very difficult for us to trust that God is working in the midst of the destruction to bring about new creation.  Life is in the midst of death; life arises out of death.  The ashes around us are a sign of the labor pangs of new life birthed by God.

We are the midwives.  That is our job in this new creation.  To ease the labor, protect mother and child, to assist in the birth of the new.  Jesus insists on standing in the graveyard and speaking of the pangs of birth.  That is what hope looks like.